How Far Is Too Far

By now I'm used to watching my kids move forward. I've been a parent for nearly 25 years. While everything in you longs to cling to them forever, you learn quickly that parenting is more about letting go. It starts with that first step. Then their first overnighter with grandma & grandpa. Their first ballgame. Some are real milestones, like the first day of kindergarden or middle school or high school. And what about sweat 16, that first date, a driver's license, or graduation?

It can be so doggone fun that you don't notice each of those steps inching them farther from your grasp. "She'll aways be my little girl," we say, but inside you worry that you might be lying to yourself. When you drop them off at college, the distance starts to get real and hole in your heart becomes more noticeable.

But they blossom and mature. You're too proud to step in their way now. They still come around, of course, when they're overwhelmed or defeated or broke. We put gas in their car, do their laundry, wipe a few tears, and send them off again. If parents were smart, they'd latch onto them again at these low points. But we're not that smart. We love them to much NOT to insist they be all they can be.

I already knew all that, even though the emotions still catch me from time to time. Instead of grieving when Kristin, our oldest, moved to Charleston, SC two years ago, we took it in stride and thought of every excuse we could to visit. She seemed to like showing us around her new town. If this is what it means to let go, I thought, I can do it. My parental separation anxiety must be over.

This afternoon we put Kristin on a plane headed to Abu Dhabi, UAE. Her adventurous spirit has led her to a teaching position on the other side of the world. Although it's impossible for me to admit, she's not a kid anymore. She's more than ready. (Whether or not the Arabic culture is ready for her remains to be seen!) And as far as I know, the rules haven't changed: She moves forward. I let her go. But I can't help wondering: How far is too far?

Unless she marries a sheik and settles for life in the desert as wife #6, she'll be back in a year or two. And with Skype, I'll get to see her more often than I did when she was in Charleston. It's a tremendous opportunity for her -- the chance of a lifetime. Why wouldn't I be proud & excited?

So, I'm letting go... again. Not because I like it, but because that's what parents do. And even though I've been doing this for 25 years, it hurts like I've never let go before. The difference is, I know it will get better. We'll adjust. She'll flourish. Our family will go forward.

This is a very big world, so there's no telling where my girls might choose to explore next. But no matter how far they wander, I'll keep letting go because wherever they are... they'll always be my little girls.